People often ask what a retreat is, and then question why nuns should need to make one. Those of you who have done one of our online retreats will know that it took me eight minutes to sketch an answer to the first part of the question without attempting the second. However, as the community begins its annual retreat tonight (and I shall be offline save for the daily FB prayer intention on our Page and some pre-written posts which will appear, as if by magic, in this blog), I thought it might be good to say something about what a retreat is and what it is meant to help us do or become.
Essentially a retreat is a time when we try to let go of as much of the busyness of life as we can in order to spend more time in prayer and meditation on the scriptures. It means a shift of focus, hopefully a deepening of attention to God. Often the first few days are rather bleak. It isn’t as easy to let go as we thought — even in a monastery! One by one our defences against God are taken down, and even though that is what we most desire, it is painful and seems contradictory. We want to pray, but prayer is the one thing we can’t manage. We want to come closer to God, and it is as though two opposing magnetic poles were at work. We want to focus on God but all we see is ourselves, and not the selves we hope the rest of the world sees, but the selves that deep down we know ourselves to be: grubby, and not very impressive.
Sometimes that is the whole work of the retreat: to let us see ourselves as we are and know that we are loved, despite all our blemishes and shortcomings. Sometimes, we are permitted to go further: to catch a glimpse of the beauty and holiness of God that makes us want to change radically, to become, however inadequately, more ‘worthy’ of His love. Conversion does not usually happen all at once with a road-to-Damascus finality. It is a process that gradually unfolds in our lives. That’s why we Benedictines make a vow of conversatio morum, a promise to open ourselves to this process every day.
During these days of retreat (we emerge on 5 September), we shall be undergoing a kind of death-to-life experience, a conversion, if you like. Our part is to free the time and give God scope to work, trusting that He will do what seems best to Him. Please pray for us as we do for you. Often the fruits of a retreat are not seen until long after, but if we are sincere in our searching, we know that he will respond. God is never outdone in generosity.
Today is the feast of St Monica, patron saint of the widowed. Here’s what I wrote about her last year: http://www.ibenedictines.org/2011/08/27/widowhood.
BBC R4 Sunday Programme
Yesterday’s BBC R4 ‘Sunday’ programme (in which Digitalnun took part with Vicky Beeching and Bishop Alan Wilson) can be found on iPlayer here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b01m4bwc/Sunday_26_08_2012/