The Kindness of Kin and the Friendship of Women

The feast of the Visitation is the only Marian feast to occur during Our Lady’s month of May, but it is one everyone can like, whatever their churchmanship. It has no sickly overlays, no false emphases and is derived directly from the gospel, so there can be no tiresome disputes about whether it is ‘scriptural ‘ or not.

The account Luke gives of the meeting between Mary and Elizabeth may be pure invention as regards detail, but its essential truth is unmistakeable and shows us something beautiful and elusive in literature: the kindness of kin, the friendship of women. They are presented to us from the perspective of a male writer, but one generous enough and sensitive enough to enter into the thoughts and feelings of his protagonists. The humility of Elizabeth, wondering at Mary’s visit, the child in her womb leaping for joy at the nearness of Salvation; the answering humility of Mary, proclaiming the goodness and greatness of God in a tissue of lyrical quotations from the Old Testament: these are things that affect us deeply. Every evening as darkness gathers the whole Church sings the Magnificat and is one again with Mary and Elizabeth, acknowledging the mirabilia Dei, rejoicing in God’s presence and action in our lives.

So far so good. Many a preacher has waxed eloquent on these themes, but I wonder whether in doing so we have lost sight of something we need to recover. Take that kindness of kin element, for example. Mary went to help her kinswoman Elizabeth, regardless of her own pregnancy. It was part of the duty of being ‘family’. Now, when the whole concept of family has been stretched so far it is almost broken, we may ask ourselves where we draw the line: parents, siblings, cousins, second cousins? Do we acknowledge the duty of helping anyone beyond our own immediate family? That journey into the Judean hill country was tough. Would we put ourselves out to such an extent to help a cousin? The answer will tell us (nearly) all we need to know about how we view our family relationships.

Friendships between women often take a slightly different form from friendships between men, but they are just as important for the individuals concerned. I think those of us who are women should be glad that we have in the Visitation the record of a friendship between two women, centred on God and entirely free from any form of competitiveness or exploitation. Neither Mary nor Elizabeth was ‘important’ in political or economic terms; neither was a great scholar or an artist or successful in worldly terms, yet from their unimportance flows the greatest of all mysteries: the motherhood of God, and the motherhood of the Forerunner. If John the Baptist and Jesus attract us through their humility and joyfulness, we must never forget the qualities they inherited. Was Jesus’ gift for friendship and his ease with women learned from Mary? And what of John, that strangely compelling wild man of the desert who fascinated Herod even as he condemned him?

Family and friends: important to us all, whether men or women, and capable of myriad forms. Today’s feast reminds us how grateful we should be for all the people who have played a significant part in our lives, who have helped us, befriended us, just been there for us as family members. They disclose God to us, and what could be more wonderful than that?

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8 thoughts on “The Kindness of Kin and the Friendship of Women”

  1. Thank you for a timely reflection. Friendship is something precious as are family relationships. Speaking as someone who as a child was deprived of both, firstly by parent splitting up, than by being in care for 5 years and coming home to an overbearing father who kept us close and forbade outside friendships or family contacts.

    It was only many years later, after his death that I met any of his extended family (he was the youngest of 13) and in many cases it was to late as they died before I could meet them.

    We are fortunate now to have children and grandchildren and a circle of friends close and perhaps looser, but still friends who we can turn to or in turn can help if needed.

    I still sometimes find it difficult to connect to people, but have sought help through prayer and reflection and healing to overcome this unfortunate trait. Not fully there, but knowing about it helps to overcome it.

    I suspect that some friendships might be superficial, as when times of trouble come, you can find yourself abandoned by those you thought of as friends – happily that doesn’t apply to my current circle and to many others, who I’ve never met, via social media who have supported me with prayer and love during the last year or so on the discernment path.

    Being connected whether physically or via social media seems to me to fulfill a human need, particularly when you hear of so many, particularly the elderly being socially isolated. We need to reach out to all, not just those we love or like – Jesus did and look at the gifts he has left us through it.

    • U.K. Viewer, you have written about your childhood experiences before, and I think I have replied then, as now – I, too, have experienced some of the same things you have so I know very well the pain and discomfort you speak of. We’ve had to recreate ourselves but this time with Christ as the mold reshaping our perspective. May our faith always be strong.

  2. I would love to have been the “fly on the wall”, just listening .
    No ante-natal clinics in those days, no expensive prams or buggies. Presumably, a conversation between two women would be about the experience of pregnancy while the men discussed the need for a male heir. We (not you) often ignore the cultural context, not just Middle Eastern, but specifically Jewish.

    As God had a lot to do with this meeting, my curiosity as to what was said is boundless.

  3. I love the way your post connects to the ordinary friendship and support that women (and men) provide for each other and the way such actions disclose God to one another – very thought provoking.

  4. I love the feast of the Visitation for its ordinariness, its down to earth human experience of life yet with an overlay of Divine intervention.

    As we often experience Divine intervention through other people’s kindness and friendship, I agree with U.K. Viewer that we have to reach out to others, too, to pass it on. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

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